Forgiveness

I admit, I am hard on Moses. I expect a lot from him--he is so smart and he has so much EQ, and he can be so amazing! But with these high expectations, I am also often disproportionately disappointed by his 4-year old boy behavior. Disproportionate disappointment, combined with my exhaustion and general lack of margin, I realize I lose my cool a lot. Like, a whole lot, much more than I'd like to admit. So I apologize a lot. And my wonderful son forgives a lot. His forgiveness is so pure. So simple. Without strings or need for proof. He just forgives and affirms his neverending love for me. "I love you times infinity, Mommy!" 

I have so much to learn about forgiveness in my life. About how to receive it. How to offer it. How to fall into its freedom. About how to really love. And my 4-year old boy is teaching me all about it. 

What did your mom look like, Mommy?

Tonight, while snuggling quietly in Moses's bed, he asked me to tell him about my mom. I was describing her and telling him how very pretty she was, and he looked at me with wide eyes, "was she as pretty as you??" It was so sweet. 

He watched me talk about her, and When I got teary-eyed, he noticed and said, "are you sad mommy? Because she died?" I told him yes, I miss her very much. 

He listened intently and asked questions about her. He asked if she was smart. He asked me if she liked to do hair because she was so beautiful. He asked me if my dad has died. And then remembered happily that he had seen him on Monday. 

I wanted the time to never end. I finally tore myself away at 8:30. Too late for a four and a half year old to be going to bed, but not long enough for this momma to soak it all in. He is such a bright, caring, eager, fun little boy. I hope I get to see him grow old and wise. 

He was surprised to find out that he'll always be my son, even when he's a dad/grown up. Haha. I love that kid. 

Name that tune!

Moses's super human ability is being able to name that tune. Shane and I were saying the other day that we had "My House" stuck in our heads. If you know the song, and know us, you would likely know that when we sang the song, it didn't sound like much. But then, days later, the song came on the radio. And at the very first note, of the song, not even the chorus, before I even recognized it, Moses said excitedly, "Hey, it's that dog that you and Daddy had in your head!" 

Superhuman ability. Bam. 

my mom

my mother passed away shortly before Christmas last year. our family was already en route to Maryland to spend the holidays up there, but we just missed seeing my mom one last time. i kind of had a feeling that would be the case, but it was hard no matter. i tried to be clear and communicative about everything with Moses, using simple language and describing everything that was about to happen, and everything that was happening, and everything that had happened. he seemed to listen and understand.

about a month went by, and out of the blue, as i was kissing him goodnight, in the darkness, my little man says to me in a hushed voice, "mommy, i'm sorry your mom died." it was so comforting, and i was reminded how much i believe that moses will grow someday to be a powerful healer. i pray for his words to bring many to the knowledge of christ.

another month or so later, moses said to me, on the way home, "mommy, your mom died, and when people die, they go to heaven and become angels. halmuhnee is an angel watching over us now." and again, i was so comforted. moses is such a remarkable person, and i am just so proud to be his mom.

Spearmint

Moses had a spearmint candy the other day. About a half hour later, he says to me, "That candy tasted like your floss, Mommy." 

"Hum? Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah, did it have floss in it??"

"No, buddy, but both the candy and the floss are the same flavor--spearmint."

"selfish"

moses, pointing to a swordfish in his book, says, "mommy, that's a 'selfish.'"

i was driving, so, without looking at exactly what he was pointing at, responded, "oh, buddy, did you mean 'shellfish?'"

"no, selfish, mommy. it's a self-fish."

this went back and forth a couple of times, and finally seeing that he was pointing to an animal that actually looked like a fish and not a shell, i realized he was trying to guess what a 'selfish' was.

cute, right?? :) haha, love that kid.

i agreed that selfish sounded like a type of fish, but that word means something else. it's when a person thinks much more about what he wants or needs than what other people want and need. we discussed that a bit, and he seemed really satisfied with that.

in related news, tonight at dinner, he voluntarily offered everyone a bite of his cookie. it was so sweet. that kid.

Favorite thing he says these days:

when he knocks Eden down, he goes over to her and says, "Are you okay, Babe?"

he should really learn to be more careful, but really really adorable.