12 month checkup

mo had his 12 month checkup a few days ago.  he's in the 95th percentile for height still, but he's dropped down to the 75th percentile for weight.  and i can attest that he's really thinning out.  his little chub folds around his legs are disappearing, and i'm feeling rather sad about it, to be honest with you.

he also had 3 shots, and since then he hasn't really been much like himself.  his naps have been short and interrupted, he's been fussy, not eating much, and he hasn't had much patience in general.  he's not been himself.  he even cuddled with me for like 15 minutes this morning.  i loved it, but i also wondered what was going on in his sweet little munchkin head.  today, he had a turnaround in the nap department, and i had to wake him up after 2.5 hours this morning, and he's still sleeping now, after 2+ hours this afternoon.  i wonder if he's catching the same terrible sickness (cold, flu, stomach all combined) that Shane and i have been battling for 3 weeks or so.  i suppose it was just a matter of time.

of course, it also could be his molars coming in--i hear they can be quite a terror.  he's been fervently chewing on anything he can fit in his mouth these days and i can feel one molar straining against his gums... i wonder if this fussy baby will be this way for the next few months.  perhaps.  and i'll love the snot out of him anyhow.  while still feeling quite annoyed with his whiny outbursts.

lovelove,
helly

PS: he stacked his toys for the first time the other day.  and my heart swelled with pride.  he's brilliant, i tell you!  :O) (oh, and don't tell me if your child has been doing that since he was 6-months old.  just let me bask in the moment. haha)

officially down to two nursing sessions...

no matter how i look at it, it's just weird.  i was nursing this baby about 11 times a day just one year ago.  we periodically (and unceremoniously) dropped feedings until now... there are just two left.  the last one we dropped was last week, the lunch session, but it was a different drop than the rest because he had to start on drinking whole milk (!) like a big boy.  the way that weaning the lunch session has gone makes me think that Moses would be just fine dropping the dinnertime nursing as well.  <sad face>  well, here's how it went, with all the gory details.

• day 1: 7 ounces of 100% breast milk in the straw sippy cup.  we went to hmart (a korean supermarket) in case staying at home was too much associated with nursing.  he drank that milk down like nobody's business.  he held so tight to that sippy cup and didn't take his lips off the straw for a second.  i have to say that part of it might have been that he was also probably miserably hungry because by the time we got the milk prepared, packed our things, got to the store and got in the shopping cart, it was noon or so, which is pretty late for him to get milk.  we had noodles for lunch, and he was fussy, but it was hard to tell whether it was because of the noodles, or because of the lack of nursing, or because he hates the hmart eatery.  who knows.  anyway, he looked like such a big boy drinking his milk that it made me cry.  his stools were loose that day, but i wondered if it was the poppy seed chicken that we had the night before.  i pumped after he went down for a nap because i realized the breast milk store i build up is rather small.  
• day 2: 5 ounces of breast milk and 2 ounces of whole milk in the straw sippy cup.  i can't remember where we went that day, but the pattern is that we went somewhere all week during the lunch hour.  walmart, marshalls, the mall, old navy, goodwill, basically anywhere but home.  ate lunch like a champ.  diaper rash began.  it was pretty widespread, so i started the diaper cream defense.  loose stools again, but we did have leftover poppy seed chicken.  pumped during Mo's nap again.  
• day 3: 3.5 ounces of breast milk with 3.5 ounces of whole milk in a straw sippy cup.  stools looked better.  diaper rash looked better.  but then he got a bumpy red rash on his lower back too.  pumped during Mo's nap again.
• day 4: 2 ounces of breast milk in a cup with a straw.  4 ounces of whole milk in the straw sippy cup.  i decided to split them because the breast milk was getting chunky in the sippy cup.  it was gross looking.  still smelled just fine, so i figured it might have been some kind of reaction between the milks.  anyway, so i gave him the breast milk in the cup at home and took the sippy cup with the whole milk.  he didn't drink hardly any of the whole milk this day.  he just kind of took sloppy swigs of it and then spit it out all over the bib.  maybe he was really tasting it.  oh, btw, bibs have been really important for some reason, he really dribbles whole milk down his chin when he drinks it. woke up the next morning with what felt like painful boulders where my chest usually was; nursed Mo as normal in the morning and didn't do much else about it (ie. didn't pump), since i was hopeful that everything would just work itself out naturally.
• day 4: 7 ounces of 100% whole milk in the straw sippy cup.  he drank it all.  his stools were normal.  diaper rash nearly cleared.  lunch is normal.   woke up the next morning in pain again, but not as bad.   
• and everything's just been normal since then.  

i don't really know if this is how it's supposed to be done, but this is how i did it.  i suppose i'll probably do a similar thing for the dinner time feed...this week, next week (?).  then the morning feed last, just because that one is my favorite... it's quiet and cuddly.  here i am realizing that i have a favorite one, just when i thought all year long that Mo and i both felt kind of blah about nursing.  

in some ways, it's the end of an era!  i calculated how much time i've spent nursing this precious little boy because i'm sort of a datasexual that way.  of course, the work is very front heavy, in the first few months of his life when he was pretty much constantly nursing, but anyway, it added up to a total of about 1000 hours, or a little over 40 straight days and nights.  it was the length of time that it took to flood the world.  that's how much time i've spent with our baby drinking from me.  weird, huh?

lovelove,

milk maid

reflexive bowing

i just met one of the neighborhood kids.  he's Korean and probably about 9 or 10.  as he was walking up to me, he looked at me, and instinctively bowed a little bit.  he didn't know that i was Korean for sure, but his reflexes kicked in, and even though he didn't full on bow and say the polite Korean greeting for adults, he couldn't stop the quick bow of the head.  i knew at least three things from this very small gesture:

• he is Korean
• his parents taught him right
• i'm old

he ended up asking me politely (through a slight black accent--nearly all of the neighborhood kids are black) if i was Korean, and i said yes, and i asked him too, and he said he was too.  it was nice to confirm for each of us that the bow wasn't weird.  

the whole thing made me smile.  smile a whole lot, actually.  and hope that our baby will one day reflexively bow to greet all Korean adults, because he's Korean and that's how it should be.  

lovelove,

32-years-364-days-old lady

Weaning??

My pediatrician told us what to expect with weaning at our last well-baby checkup, and he mentioned that the nighttime feeding would be the first to go.  I thought he was weird because so many blogs mention that the nighttime is one of the harder ones since it’s so connected to calming/soothing for the end of the day. 

Well, I guess Moses heard the doctor and decided he would start the process on his own.  He has not taken me up on my offers to nurse for four nights in a row.  He has gone to bed without nursing!  He’s fussed a bit in the going-to-sleep process after he’s been in the crib for a little while, but I’m not entirely sure if that’s related to the milk or not. 

So now, he’s nursing only before meals, so down to three times a day.  It’s a little bit weird.  But honestly, I’m thinking of riding this wave of weaning, since I’ll have to anyway if I go back to work… I don’t intend to pump at work.  Not only because of the hassle and possible impossibility, but also because I genuinely find pumping to be quite dreadful.  I called my pediatrician office and asked if I can start him on whole milk a couple of weeks early so I could wean him to that instead of messing with formula.  I got the green light, so I bought a gallon of whole milk at the store today.  I feel a little bit weird.  It’s partly a deep sadness in the pit of my stomach.  Partly relief thinking about having my body be my own again (hello caffeinated beverages, and goodbye nursing pads!). 

I built up a store of pumped breast milk in the freezer over the last couple of weeks, so I think I’m going to start Moses on that mixed with whole milk… maybe even tomorrow at lunchtime and see how he does.  My pediatrician office recommended going slowly, like ¼ whole milk to ¾ breast milk one day, the next day moving to half and half, and the next day ¾ whole milk to ¼ breast milk.   I dunno.  The thought of such a huge change is so weird to me.  I wonder how he’s going to do… I hear the baby usually does better than the mom.  We’ll see how it goes, I guess.

I did some online research about weaning, and as with all things baby-related, there are widely diverse opinions about how it should go and what the best thing is for the baby.  The most vocal are the folks of La Leche League and other breastfeeding enthusiasts, who (possibly inadvertently) make those who end up weaning before age 2 (to age 5!) feel guilty and selfish.  I'm finding that the more extreme your opinion, the more divisive and off-putting your advice can be, especially when it comes to baby stuff.  Too bad.  

Maybe it's all the hormones talking, but I'm feeling rather blue about the whole thing.  Our little baby is growing up.  

Lovelove,

me