Kids miss their moms when they're gone

The other day Moses told me that if children lose their mothers they will miss them. I asked him what made him think of that, and he told me that he read a book at school, and I realized after a little bit of discussion, that he was talking about the book "are you my mother?" it was one of my favorites is a little kid so made me smile, knowing that Moses was getting older and liking the same books that I had liked as a kid.

It also made me feel sadness in the pit of my stomach. Thinking about Moses ever being sad because his mother was not there almost made me cry right on the spot. 

Moses, if Mommy ever goes home to heaven before you grow up, please know that you are, and always always will be, my sweet and special boy. The greatest joy in my life is being a mom to you and Eden; everything else is a distant second. I want for nothing more than being able to see you guys grow up and become the people that God intends you to be. I love you so deeply and thoroughly that I think my heart is actually broken from holding so much love in it. You are the one that, in that moment when you took your first breath, completely changed me forever in the most radical and magical way. You made me a mother, a teacher, a nurturer, a healer, a disciplinarian, and so many more things than I can list here. I can't tell you enough, I love you SOOO much (!), now and forever, my son. 

Everything is awesome

Shane, Moses, and I were singing the song from the Lego movie, and we couldn't remember the word after "Everything is awesome, everything is hmhmhm hmhmhmhm..." 

Moses says, "Well, we're all on the same page about that." 

No naps these days

PreK seems to be great, except that I'm guessing mosey isn't able to get the sleep he needs during the 45 minutes or whatever is usually scheduled. So, this happens on the way home from daycare sometimes, which doesn't really do great things for our evenings together, but you know. Whatever. :) he's so cute. 

Polar bears

"Mommy, Simone said that polar bears live in the future. And Ms. Teria didn't say anything. And I said, 'No, polar bears live in the snow.' And Ms. Teria said, "Yes, that's good." 

Will and Hopen

I was surprised to learn that Moses knew the names of the Children's Healthcare of Atlanta boy and girl, Hope and Will. 

Then he told me, one is named Will and the other one is named Hopen. Haha! 

In related news, Moses's new pre-K teacher is named Ms. Farhana, and she has an accent when she speaks English. On his second day, he told me he learned a new way of singing the song Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes. He proceeded to sing the song exactly the same as always, and then he interjected (the "new" part): "Go a leetal fosta," after each verse. 

No, buddy your teacher has an accent and she's actually saying, "Go a little faster." She just says it a little differently. 

So cute, right? :)

Also, our great friends the Maloneys paid us a lovely surprise visit this weekend, and Andrew pooped without the potty seat while he was here. And suddenly, we are now free of that dirty old Cars potty seat!!! I'm thrilled!!! :)

4

Today, on his fourth birthday, was the first time I told Moses he looked handsome and he responded with, "No Mommy, I look cool!" 

Indeed, you are quite a cool little dude. :)

A quick cc pancake breakfast before daycare. :)

Only 6 more days

Excerpt from Sandra Cisneros's short story: Eleven

What they don’t understand about birthdays and what they never tell you is that when you’re eleven, you’re also ten, and nine, and eight, and seven, and six, and five, and four, and three, and two, and one. And when you wake up on your eleventh birthday you expect to feel eleven, but you don’t. You open your eyes and everything’s just like yesterday, only it’s today. And you don’t feel eleven at all. You feel like you’re still ten. And you are—underneath the year that makes you eleven.

Like some days you might say something stupid, and that’s the part of you that’s still ten. Or maybe some days you might need to sit on your mama’s lap because you’re scared, and that’s the part of you that’s five. And maybe one day when you’re all grown up maybe you will need to cry like if you’re three, and that’s okay. That’s what I tell Mama when she’s sad and needs to cry. Maybe she’s feeling three.

Because the way you grow old is kind of like an onion or like the rings inside a tree trunk or like my little wooden dolls that fit one inside the other, each year inside the next one. That’s how being eleven years old is.

You don’t feel eleven. Not right away. It takes a few days, weeks even, sometimes even months before you say Eleven when they ask you. And you don’t feel smart eleven, not until you’re almost twelve. That’s the way it is.

*************************

A colleague mentioned the other day that her 3-year old son, just before he was to turn 4, asked her if she was going to miss the 3-year old son. And that comment made me instantly miss 3-year old Moses. I know that little boy will always be inside of our growing young man, but I sure am going to miss him as we see him less and less. He's the little boy that asks me to play cars with him. The little boy that likes to suck his thumb, pinch his belly button, and snuggle with me. The little boy that gets such joy as he sings made-up songs while he plays the xylophone. The 3-year old Moses will always have a special special space in my heart. and i will keep wishing desperately for time to move just a bit slower.

Maybe he's going to be into older ladies like his daddy

(i don't know if i posted a version of this story before, so i'll go ahead and put it up now)

Moses told me he wants to bring his pink seal to daycare so he can give it to Malik because she's a girl and pink is for girls. I asked him to describe her and he told me she has soft skin, and all kids have soft skin. I asked what color her hair is, and he said black. I asked what color skin she has, and he said, uhm, brown. And I asked if she was tall, and he said, "Yeah, she's SO tall, and she has a big head, and big legs! And her head is really really big." And I asked how old she was and if she was his friend, and he said, no, she's in the 5-year-olds class, and she is True's friend. Aiming high, huh, buddy? Going for the kindergarteners. Haha.

Mispronunciations live on!

i know it won't last too much longer, but i still love the ways Moses mispronounces words. it's just so precious. there aren't too too many ways that he seems like a baby, since he's turning into such a big boy, so. i relish in these. :)

Can-bell-ope (cantaloupe)
Distapointed (disappointed)

Papa Troll or Papa Chole (Paw Patrol)
Roond (ruined)
Rahl-rus (walrus)

Potatoes (tomatoes)

in related news, yesterday was Moses's first day of pre-K. he was okay with the idea up until yesterday morning, when he realized that the first day of pre-K was here. he said, "but Mommy, i'm not big yet!!" it was a real concern, and i realized how that feeling of insufficiency/not being enough is a real feeling that can start so young. we coached him through it, and he ended up having a great day. he's a really special kid. he even has new friends in his class (since his best friends, max, connor, clara, and hadley are staying another year in the 3s class). he told me he played with pipes, and he put them together. when i told him that i had never played with pipes, he told me that if i ever stay at daycare with him, he can teach me how to play with pipes. it was so grown up and caring. he's such a precious little man. i hope he always knows how special he is. 

"God makes me strong!"

We were listening to the Christian radio station the other day, and Moses noticed that the songs weren't what we normally jammed to on the way home. One Newsboys song came on and the lyrics go, "God's not dead, He's surely alive, living on the inside, roaring like a lion." 

Moses was intently listening and he told me, "Mommy, God's not dead and he's living in me, right? And Mommy, God roars like a lion."

It made me choke up, and he went on to tell me God is strong like a lion, and He makes me strong because He's strong. "And God loves me sooooooo much, Mommy, even more than you and Daddy love me!!" 

He made me realize that day that faith like a child is really powerful. And also, even though life is really busy, there are some things that are worth taking the time to teach and talk about. 

Even if I were to go home to be with Jesus today, I would hope that Moses and Eden would be able to go on toward even greater faith and knowledge of God's great love and power. Being their mom is such and tremendous honor. I can't believe we get to teach these little treasures of God about Him. 

She's not my teacher!

"So, what was Miss Gayle teaching you in the other classroom when I came to pick you up?"

"Nothing! No, Mommy, Miss Gayle is not my teacher!" 

[pause] "Uh, you know, she actually is one of your teachers."

[growing increasingly emphatic with each sentence] "No, Mommy! She's not, Miss Nakoya is my teacher!!"

[calmly still] "Yes, Miss Nakoya is your teach in the three's class. But when you go to another class, the grown up in the room is the teacher. Today, that was Miss Gayle. Miss Gayle was your teacher."

[falling out with exasperation] She's not my teacher!!!" Etc. 

This conversation went on like this a little while longer until I told him, "Well, you know, I'm a grown up and I know about things like this. It's just true. And I'd also like you to talk nicely to Mommy." 

"Oh, okay, Mommy. I see what you mean." 

And that was it! :) 

That night, we snuggled in Moses's toddler bed together after I put the kids to bed. He snuggled close to me and sucked his thumb, until his little body got heavy and his breathing became the sound of sleep. It was warm and cozy and everything good. I already miss you, three-year-old Moses. You're growing up too fast.  

"It's okay, little buggie"

Here is a story from the husband on their way to daycare this morning:

The cutest thing just happened in the car. There is a tiny bug on the outside of Moses's window. Moses asked me to take it off and I told him that he would fly away when I started driving. As I started driving, Moses said to the bug "that's OK little buggie, you'll just go away when daddy starts driving. That's OK."