the day he fell off the couch

the day i have been dreading for approximately 8 months and three weeks has come.  our baby rolled off the couch and hit the floor this morning.  i had just set him down on the couch right next to me, managed to spill a small cup of juice, and was rescuing my folder and books from the growing pool, when it happened.  the sickening thud of a small body hitting the ground and shrieking cry of pure infant pain, shock and distress.

i immediately picked him up and said "mommy's sorry" about fifteen times, trying to sooth and hold him close.  of course, Mo is not really ever soothed by my embrace or touch (never has been, even as a newborn), but i still held him close and rocked him.    i held him by the sliding glass door too, which usually helps him calm down, but it didn't help much.  he kept crying for a few minutes (seemed like an eternity).  after he quieted a bit, i laid him down, opened up his pajamas and checked his body and head for injuries.  i found a two-inch straight bruise forming on his shin... i imagine that was where he hit the coffee table on the way to the floor.  :O(  other than that, no obvious bleeding or bruising, no vomiting and no mood shifts.  so that was good.

it was just about time for his nap too, and some websites said that a nap after a fall is okay and could actually be restorative for the baby.  so, i put him down and he seems to have fallen asleep quite well, so i think that was another good sign (he's no longer crying and in pain).  i still hear him breathing on the baby monitor, so i'm glad for that too.  i'll be anxiously waiting for him to wake up so i can make sure of his behavior and everything.

if you sense a large undertone of mommy guilt here, you are correct.  man.  i'm so sorry, little buddy.

love,
me