pampers, why have you done this to us?

as i have mentioned before, i am a creature of habit. i'm a loyal customer, i love schedules, i love to know what to expect. but now. something has disturbed our lives yet again. in a hurry some weeks back, i read an email from amazon telling me that one of our "subscribe and save" items wasn't available, and they would send the next best replacement, or something of that nature. i can't really even remember what they wrote, to be honest. i thought it was no big deal.

but the replacement wipes have arrived this weekend, and they are terrible! 

slippery, thin, and weird. none of which you want your baby wipes to be. i mean, it's the one thing between you and a handful of poop. have i said too much? maybe.

anyway, i started to poke around on the internet tonight to see what stores had those wonderful Thick Care Pampers wipes that i have grown to love, and... to my great dismay, they are actually completely discontinued.  NOOOOOOOOO!!!

my world will never be the same again. and neither will poor moses' butt. also, though it doesn't heal my pain (or moses' eminent diaper rash), my search led to me to postings from other devastated moms, and that makes me feel not-so-alone. 

anyone who has any light to shed on this predicament, please shoot me a message.

lovelove,

me

momo and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week

this has been moses' first week of daycare.  rough.  that about describes it.  the first day, he got a mysterious scratch/bruise on his cheek.  i imagine he fell off of somewhere and nobody wanted to tell us about it.  the reports said he cried and yelled nearly all day, and even had a low-grade fever at the end of the day.  when he got home, he drank 15 ounces of fluids and a huge dinner!  he must not have eaten or drank much through the day, which i learned was quite normal, what with all the crying they do when they're new to that sort of thing.  the second day (his fever was gone by morning, so he went to daycare), he still cried, but had a bit more peace and even laid quietly on the cot a while after naptime.  the third day, he still cried, but had some playtime with legos and it seems each day is getting better.  the naps have remained but an hour long, which is far too short for this tyke!  which means he is overtired and grumpy for the rest of the day and his night-time sleep is now super affected as well.  last night, after day three, he cried for 20 minutes before sleeping (that hasn't happened at home for night sleep for quite some time), and then he woke up after midnight and fussed for about an hour and a half.  i intervened somewhere in the middle of that, but when i put him down, he resumed the whining.  after shane and i couldn't handle it, we decided to bring him into bed with us (because he was sick and totally not letting up on the fussing), and so.... none of us slept a proper night's sleep, but at least the baby wasn't crying.  he woke up with a fever today, and so we kept him home from the nightmare of daycare today.

i know this is going to be good for him in the long run, and we don't even have much of a choice anyway since i have to work, but it is tearing my heart up.  when i've gone to pick him up, he has been sitting quietly at the table with a snack in front of him, looking more pitiful than i've ever seen that little guy.  when he sees me, he just bursts into the biggest, saddest, wailing tears of his life, which i take to mean, 'why have you left me here all day, momma?'

he's had meltdowns at dinner/bath time these past few days as well, which totally spoils the little time we have together.  i was planning on scooting him to bed early tonight as well, to try to catch him up on sleep, but i decided to just enjoy him instead for as long as we liked.  i read him a story, snuggled with him, tickled his little chest, and told him how much of a joy he is and how happy i am with him.  he smiled really big and seemed to really snuggle into me, which is actually a rather rare occurrence, so it was a real treasure.  i also prayed for his body, mind and spirit, and had a good apology and cry time that he wasn't phased by.  i am profoundly sad about how sad he's been this week.  anyway, after about 30 minutes of sweet baby time, i laid him down in his crib, and he has been quiet ever since.  i guess the snuggles were worth more than an early bedtime.  i wonder if he's just been wondering if we still love him after all these days apart.  what a rough time... for everyone involved.  also, being sick stinks.  also, getting up at 6 every day also stinks a little bit as well.

lovelove,
husky

15-month well-baby business

i went to our county health department this week to get immunizations for our 15-month offspring.  last time, when we got his three 12-month shots, we got them at his doctor's office, where we were charged over $600 out of pocket.  we have this insurance "not-insurance" that doesn't cover well-baby visits, but has them count toward our deductible.  it's maddening, actually.  and it's maddening how much less we were charged at the health department.  we got four shots this time, and it was $8 a shot--a total of $32.  $600 versus $32!!  ugh.  our health system is jacked up, folks.

anyway, he was really brave, cried for a little bit, and then quieted down as soon as the pants came back up.  the after-effects have been rather minimal.  so far, i think the 12 month immunizations were the worst, fyi--lots of swelling, lots of fussiness, lots of sleep disruptions.  there was none of that this time, which is great, and leads me to really be a fan of going to our health department overall.

we went to our regularly scheduled well-baby visit and got some stats:
23 lbs, 6 oz weight, 60th percentile-ish
32 1/4 in height, 80th percentile-ish
18 3/4 in head cir, 60th percentile-ish

the percentiles seem slightly less accurate, because i checked them again myself online, and there is a huge range of where Mosey's at.  all in all, healthy anyway.  also, the doctor seemed impressed that moses went to his arms with zero stranger anxiety.  he has been rather fearless this week.  it's like this walking thing has also come with supernatural bravery and a thirst for new people and experiences.

the doctor also mentioned (after i asked him whether moses is normal for not talking much at this age), that moses will be considered normal, even if he doesn't talk up until 20 months.  20 months!  that seems rather old to me.  i hope it doesn't take him that long to communicate with spoken words.

in other news, i got moses some chick-fil-a after his shots (partly for him, and honestly, partly for me--it's hard on a momma's heart to hear your baby cry!  :O)  he liked the chick-fil-a sauce the best and was generally quite tidy.

we also decided on the daycare we'll be taking moses to.  we cried.  we liked the staff.  moses enjoyed circle time and snack time.  it was a good match.  and a big week!

lovelove,
me me me

my baby's bleeding!!!

i was in old navy the other day, and mosey was kind of whiny and unhappy, but i had just thought he was getting hungry and tired of shopping... but when i looked at him, our baby's mouth was full of blood!  he was eating cheerios, and the one he pulled out of his mouth was soaked!  his little hands quickly turned bloody because he was pushing them in and out of his mouth as he fussed and cried.  he also wiped his face and mouth on the padding of his stroller, and then i pulled out a burp cloth from my purse (i had it there because of his runny nose that day), and that got tinted pink as well.  it was a hot mess.  sheesh.  i was trying to soothe him, clean him up, and figure out where all the blood was coming from, but that all was nearly impossible.  also, i was big-time freaking out on the inside.  i asked the old navy employees whether they knew anything about babies and why ours might be bleeding like he was just in a boxing match.  one person suggested maybe he was teething.  thank God that He didn't make babies' mouths gush blood when they were teething.  it's scary.

anyway, so, i did what any mom-of-the-year would do.  i took my items to the check out and paid for them.  i mean, the sale was ending that day, and i wasn't about to come back to get these few things.  ha.

shane (ER nurse) reassured me via telephone that mo was going to be okay, and after 10 sweaty minutes, things did start to calm down.  i never did figure out what caused the bleeding, but it really did resolve on its own.  oh, and i got the blood out of the stroller using palmolive oxy clean dish soap and an old toothbrush of mine.  worked great.

love,
sweaty shopper

the daycare search is on

so, i haven't really gone public with the news yet, but this blog is hardly public, since there are only three readers, so i feel like i can share here: folks, i have a job!  woohoo!!  i'm starting on november 26th, the monday after thanksgiving.  i'm nervous, excited, humbled, grateful, thrilled... lots of things.  with regard to moses, however, i am terribly heartbroken.  i love that little guy and i'm going to miss him so much.  but feelings aside, i have to find someone to watch mosey.  it helps that i know that this is what God has for our family for this season--for shane to be in school, for me to work, and for mose to be in daycare.  and i know that God loves little mo way more than me or shane, and He has something in store for each one of us during this time.

i've visited two places so far.  one is really lovely but a little too far, and one is dreary and in a perfect location.  i will keep looking, but i am realizing that trying to find a cheap daycare that is on my way to work that is cheery and caring is a bit of a challenge.  i'll keep looking and praying, and in the meantime, i'm soaking in all these precious moments with our son.  he has been sick this week, which has made him slightly grouchy and insanely clingy, boo.  but also extra cuddly, yay!  i love that little guy.

lovelove,
smmmmmellly

puzzle

you know those wooden puzzles with the shapes and those blocks you can stack?  well, moses is starting to actually be able to do these things, and it's freaking me out a little.  what?  when did he get old enough to do puzzles?  where did my baby go?

BIG week

sometimes i guess milestones happen in big old clusters?  this past week has been a big one for Moses.  check it out:

• he looked under the table, like put his head to the floor to see under it--i've never seen him do that.  i guess that's not a milestone, but whatever.  it's a first.  
• he fished.  he has this toy that he loves, but never had actually used it for fishing until this week (it was mainly for pointing, chewing, and splashing before).  
• his first word might be "fish"!  just yesterday, i walked in the room and he was furiously pointing at his bag (that has fish on it) saying to himself "ish ish."  he also said dada, and actually uses it when he sees Daddy!  
• he stood up to walk--he's never stood up without assistance before.
• he suddenly switched to walking most of the time now.  i think it happened on Thursday.
• he hasn't been able to take a morning nap for about two weeks now, so we're not trying that anymore...
• he weaned completely!  it's the end of an era!  meh.  but it happened so anti-climatically.  we just dropped that morning feeding, no big deal, and ate breakfast.  and i hardly felt much different, just a little sore and heavy on friday (we stopped on wednesday).  so, that's weird.  it's just over now!
• he signed potty before he pooped, which made it so that we made it to the toilet on time!
• he started crawling into my lap!
• he climbed on the couch!  twice!

wow.  i love that little guy.  i really just can't get enough.

lovelove,

me

anticipation

Moses sometimes fusses when he’s waiting for his food.  I have it all prepared, but I’m just sitting by his side, blowing on it so that it’s not too hot when I put it in front of him to eat.  But Moses, he sees the yummy food, and he’s hungry, and he doesn’t understand that I’m doing something more so that he won’t get hurt when he enjoys the good thing I’ve prepared.  Whenever it happens, it makes me reflect on how often I do the same thing.  I see the good things that I think God should give me, in my own timeline, and I fuss when I have to wait.  I can’t seem to just sit and enjoy my time of anticipation.  

that's all.

love,

helen

hamburger helper

so, moses is a hamburger for halloween this year.  we got him in his costume for a "spooktacular" event at the local YMCA this weekend, and we had a great time.  it was mainly for kids that were about 3 and over, so there wasn't much for momo, but that was just fine by him.  he loves watching other kids, and man, when we got to the area with the moon bounce and slide, you would have thought he won the lottery.  and, i guess all the kids were a great inspiration for him to walk, plus, i think the hamburger suit gave him extra confidence.  he walked more that night than we've ever seen him walk!  it was a blast.

also, i would like to mention that moses is a really obedient kid most of the time.  the other day, i told him not to eat something and he pulled it out of his mouth and handed it to me.  what a sweetheart.  i hope his sweetness never changes.

also, i would like to mention that the words "clap" and "quack" sound very similar.  we have a book called farm animals, and moses has consistently clapped at the end of the book for a month or so now.  i wondered what it was about that book, and i realized, on the last page, there are ducks and they say, "quack quack quack," and moses is just following instructions!  :O)

lovelove,
me

i was angry!

we live in a ground floor apartment, which means that sometimes i leave my kitchen door open and let momo play on the sidewalk/yard right outside while i clean up.  well, yesterday, as i was getting our groceries in the house, i passed by that very sidewalk, and there was dog poop right in the spot where our precious baby likes to play!!  and there were big juicy flies all over it and flying all past our windows.  i was hopping mad!  i mean, the owners of that dog might as well have taken their dog's poop and smeared it directly on our child.  i was so angry.  for hours!  like fire-in-my-belly mad.  i honestly can't remember ever feeling this way.  i guess it's a momma-bear reaction?  anyway, it passed, and my super-human husband cleaned it up and even disinfected the area with some bleach.  

i filed a complaint with our office because it's been happening rather frequently recently.  bah.  i actually want to just find out who is doing it myself, collect the poops, and leave it on their sidewalk so that they can deal with it.  is that vindictive/obsessive?  maybe.  i blame it on the momma-bear reaction, because i would never even dream of doing such a thing if my baby's safety weren't part of the picture.  weird, huh?

in other, less angry news, i meant to mention that moses's favorite word these days is "dott'n."  like i'm crossing my T's and dott'n my I's.  he says it all the time, and it's just so lovely.  we haven't yet been able to prescribe a meaning to it, as we had been able to uncode his previous regularly-recurring phrase "boom boom boom," which was "i'm tired of this now."  

he also has been puckering his lips like a duck, and also sucking in his cheeks sometimes.  it's a face that invites even more kisses than usual, if you can imagine that.  

lovelove,

dott'n

peek-a-boo and other fun activities

last month, moses began to do a few things that i haven't yet grown tired of:

• peek-a-boo with his hands.  he laughs every time, which makes me laugh every time.
• that sound you used to make when you played cowboys and indians; the one for the indians where you put your hand over your [open] mouth to change the sound of your voice... i'm having a hard time describing it, but i think you know what i mean.  he has his mouth open and in a little smirk--so delightful!
• he did the sign for potty today!
• he feeds other people his food.  oh. so. cute.
• he asks for things by stretching his hand straight out in a robot clasp position.  it's super duper cute too.  
• he offers items to me to play with for a moment and then asks for them back. things like the phone, a stick, a water bottle.  it makes me feel like we're friends and that sharing is a natural trait for him.
• he put on his dad's hat, and he wore his own hat this morning for a good long while.  
• he can have his teeth brushed without a fuss.
• he gives up his pacifier after naps because he knows they're just for the crib.  when he plays around the crib and grabs a paci, he turns and hands it back to me or Shane.  it's so obedient that it makes my heart nearly burst with pride.  

something i have grown quite tired of?  his meltdowns.  today at dinner, he proceeded to completely unravel while i was cutting and cooling off his pizza.  he couldn't just wait patiently like he normally does.  mysterious.  it makes me think of God cutting and cooling off his good gifts, waiting until they're cool enough not to hurt me... all the while i have my own meltdown, thinking that he's never going to feed me again.

lovelove,

early bird

walking and hiring

so, momo decided to take his first real steps on Friday, October 12th.  that was four days ago, and you honestly wouldn't probably even know that it has happened.  he's now back to his usual crawling self with the occasional toddle.  i was actually expecting that he wouldn't take his first strides until he was on the very cusp of abnormal (like four months from now, so i feel this is actually quite early), just as he took his sweet time with the milestones of rolling over and crawling.  three other moms and i were pregnant at approximately the same time and have approximately the same age boys.  we keep in touch by email and various methods, and keep up with struggles and triumphs and such things.  i believe they've really been a huge part of my growth as a mother and a person over the last year+.  anyway, all three other boys have already started walking, and one of them even started at 10 months (i think it was), and so i suppose mo is just determined to bring the average walking age up a few months.  just as well.  he's a content kid, and i love that he likes to sit around.  he sat in one spot outside the other day, playing quietly with a stick (waving it around, dragging it on the concrete and pointing it at things) for about 15 minutes.  it really made my heart feel full to watch him.

in other news, i reached job application # 52 last night.  i've been applying for a full-time position for about 10 months now, and i have had zero job offers.  i'm beginning to get rather discouraged, to be honest with you.  i saw an expose a few months ago, and an HR person was revealing her tricks to have female applicants disclose to her whether they were mothers of young kids.  and that if they were, she would put them on the bottom of the pile.  i suppose it makes sense, you know, mothers of young kids have high demands on their lives outside of work and there is the risk that she may need to take maternity leave in the near future if she's going to have more children.  i can definitely see it from a hiring company's perspective.   i'm not saying this is definitely why i'm not getting job offers... but i have had some really promising first round interviews and then dead ends.  also, i hear that hiring folks can use access to our public facebook pages and blogs and other online sources to help with their decisions, and if that is the case, it is obvious that i have a young child.  i have thought about hiding all of my personal online information, but i just keep thinking that my family is a big part of who i am, and that is who i believe should be hired.  i do have more demands on my life outside of my [currently non-existent] workplace, but i also believe i have more resources, motivation, and richness to draw from than when i was single.  i actually thought about deleting this public blog and making my facebook private, but i just feel... somehow... like it would take away from my integrity or honesty.  although... maybe all this speculation is all for nothing, and people actually aren't hiring me because i'm making some colossal mistake in my applications and interviews.

anyway.  if you're reading this because you're thinking about hiring me--hi!  please, hire me!  i'm desperate for work, and i will do a good job!

lovelove,
pho momma

Book Review: Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother

so, i'm reading this book more than a year late i guess (after all the "publicity" it had received in the Wall Street Journal and on TV has long since settled down).  even though people call Chua a monster, criticizing her parenting style, even going as far as calling her a child abuser (tiger mothers are pretty extreme in their strict parenting)... i have to say, i could really relate to her family.  i'm not saying that i'm a tiger mother, at least not now, but there is a real tender part of my heart that is going to remain so grateful for my own parents.  i am 100% sure that i would not have the education and successes i've had so far in life if it hadn't been for them and their tiger-ish parenting (my mom is far too much of a pushover to be a tiger mother; my dad makes up for any gap there).  i am the person i am today because of their hard work.

with that said, i also recognize that there are flaws in the tiger mothering approach (as there are flaws in every approach of parenting in our fallen world).  and with candid experience and dry humor, Chua lays it all out there, highlights and lowlights for everyone to see [and criticize].  i actually think it took a lot of humility and bravery on her part to be so transparent throughout the book.  she is passionate, so smart, and sometimes, well a lot of times, slightly irrational and over-reactive, but always self-aware and focused.  i like her.

it's hard to disagree with data that says that tiger mothers produce highly successful kids.

i liked her dissection of western and eastern cultures.  i think that, having grown up korean american, i have a lot of my american and korean culture rolled up into a messy ball of yarn.  i don't know which is which and i find it sometimes difficult to articulate well what i think about the differences and which culture is actually at my core.  add into the mix that discussions about *my* culture are usually with others who may either be quietly judgmental toward korean culture or strangely intrigued by [exotic] korean culture.  it's very strange.  so, it was kind of refreshing to hear Chua's take on things, because especially in the beginning of the book, she was very clear that Chinese parents are superior.  i don't know, i don't usually hear that perspective, especially spoken so frankly and so articulately and in such an informed way (she also grew up in the States, so she was able to contrast western and eastern with real examples).

anyway, i do believe i've written a lot.  i hope you decide to read at least a little bit of this book.  and keep in mind that she's funny, so you don't take her so seriously.  i think it would be less offensive that way.

lovelove,
what-kind-of-mom-am-i-going-to-be?

my first public [child-related] embarrassment, my superhero abilities, and some notes

moses and i were in trader joe's the other day, and i absent-mindedly (and quite foolishly) left the shopping cart within baby arm's reach of a large display of wine bottles.  while my back was turned (again, quite foolish), moses managed to get a really good grip on a piece of cardboard that had about 4-5 bottles of wine on it, and pulled it right out from the display.  what a strong baby!  sheesh.  the bottles came crashing down, and the bottom half of my jeans got a good spray of white wine and shattered glass.  after i made sure that moses was unharmed (yes, he was fine), i scooted us off to the bathroom to get the tiny shards of glass out of my sandals...  but not before i profusely apologized to the super-nice employees that had quickly assembled and felt my face burn with my hot embarrassment.  

i know it probably happens all the time.  and one of the employees even told me those very words--that it happens all the time.  but still.  it was our child, and me who wasn't looking!  i was *that* clueless mom in the store who should have been watching her kid!  ai.

well.  as long as i'm writing, i should probably tell you, i also feel like a problem-solving superhero today because i have felt success on a few fronts.

1. moses had been fussier/clingier than usual and taking shorter and shorter afternoon naps (waking up after two hours and jumping up and down for an hour or so).  he had stopped sleeping during his morning naps last week, so i just dropped laying him down altogether.  it occurred to me the day before yesterday that it might be catching up with us and he actually might be overtired... and that might be why he's fussier/clingier and sleeping less.  i decided to stay at home and work on resting.  i laid him down in the morning yesterday (he didn't sleep but he had a good 45 minutes of quiet time), we played at home the rest of the morning, and then BINGO, he had a 3 hour nap in the afternoon.  i guess he was just needing more sleep to get him to sleep more!  :O)  problem solved.  we had a better day yesterday, and today's been alright too.  he took his 45 minute nap this morning and sleeping soundly now... we'll see how long he sleeps today.
2. mo's hair was getting all matted and weird in the back of his head and combing wasn't fixing it.  i decided to use a bunch of soap and really get it lathered in the bath the day before yesterday.  well, it fixed the problem, and now it's back to being nice and soft!
3. these past few days, he's used the signs for milk, all done, and more!  i've been signing to him nearly everyday since about 9 months ago, and it's finally made a difference this week.  i'm partly frustrated that he's taken this long because i'm certain he's known what they mean for quite some time, but mostly, i'm super proud and excited to see his little hands making signs!  i know he may become disinterested in signs by this time next week, but i got the satisfaction of communicating with him this way for at least a little while.  i'm a proud momma.

also, some side notes that i've been meaning to write down:

• his current favorite foods are green beans and brown rice.
• yesterday, for the first time, he ate more than me and shane for dinner.  zucchini pie, green beans, grapes and milk.  i couldn't believe how much he put away!  maybe he's hitting a growth spurt!  24 month clothing, here we come!  or maybe he'll finally get a little rounder again and his 18 month clothes won't fall down!  :O) 
• he seems to really hate walking.  he even full on cried yesterday after taking one step on his own.  i'm pretty certain he wants to wait until the very last week of when we should not worry (is it like 18 months?) and started walking then.  he likes to be the one to balance out the average ages for milestones, i think.  
• he's started to hide behind blankets and sneak up behind me to surprise me.  we chase each other around the living room, and we've been having some great belly laughs these days.  we're finally playing together, and that's been really fun! 

a couple of months ago, i made a photo book with milestones and notes for moses' first year.  it was a terrific pain-in-the-behind to put together, but this blog with notes really helped with the details that fade so quickly. so, i'm going to keep writing these sorts of things down to remind myself... if i decide to make another book for his 2nd year.  too bad for his younger sibling(s).  they will not get that sort of attention, i think.  and no, we're not pregnant.  :O) 

lovelove,

me

the recent nap transition

so, it's slightly early, but ever since Moses was about a year old, he was beginning to drop down to one nap a day.  he would take a longer nap in the morning and then his afternoon nap would consist of him entertaining himself for about an hour and a half by talking excitedly, throwing around pacifiers and teddy bears, and jumping up and down in the crib.  i think it was probably a whole lot of fun.

so, last week, i decided [against popular wisdom], to drop his morning nap shortly before an out-of-town trip.    it actually worked out really fine.  i did drop to one nap cold turkey, as has been my MO with mo.  i just moved his afternoon nap from about 2 to about 12:30 or so.  the next day was sunday, and he seemed rather sleepy in the morning, so i laid him down for 45 minutes, and he squeezed in a half hour nap before church.  the day after, he seemed good to go in the morning, so we went out and returned in time for him to doze briefly in the van, eat lunch, and lay down for a longer afternoon nap.  he woke up at about 2 hours, cried for less than 10 seconds, and then slept for another half hour.  he's been able to sleep longer and longer until now he's been able to reach 3 hours and 45 minutes.  it's not every day, and sometimes he still needs his morning nap, but he's doing well.  and his nighttime sleep is fairly regular, except for one cry out (for less than 10 seconds) once a week or so, which started before we started dropping down to one nap, so i'm going to go ahead and blame it on teething.  ha.  or maybe it's dreaming--i heard that kids dream now.  or maybe it's separation anxiety.  or maybe he's thirsty.  or maybe... it could be anything, really.  

anyway, what i really wanted to say here was that i am loving that longer afternoon nap!  i even got a very restful 2 hour nap myself just yesterday.  it was marvelous.  plus, when we skip the nap in the morning, we can have a fun outing--like today, our family went out to downtown decatur and had a nice walk together.  

lovelove,

mamama

PS: i meant to mention that momo dropped down to one nursing session about a month ago on his own.  just the morning one now, and i think he'll drop it on his own too.  it's been a nice slow process.  i recommend it.

terrible one's (no longer terrible two's)?

i got an email the other day about our baby's development (i'm on several email lists telling me about what to expect about moses), and this is what it said:

Expect mealtime messes, new words (like "NO!"), squirmy diaper changes, and mood swings. (In case you haven't heard, one is the new two.) 

i can definitely see most of these things happening, but it was the end of the statement that really stood out to me.  i wondered if this was true, and after mulling it over for a time and paying careful attention to mo's behavior, i decided it must be true.  yesterday, even, i witnessed what can only have been called a one-year-old-sized tantrum.  what had happened was... we try to teach the little guy not to chew on his books.  he tried to do that last night, so i took the book away, and he started on a really ugly cry.  complete with tears and everything.  i just sat through it.  i didn't console him.  i didn't reward him by giving the book back to him.  i just sat through it.  it was really uncomfortable.  then i shifted him into the bath, and he eventually quieted down on his own.

i began to wonder if people in other countries have something similar to the "terrible two's" and temper tantrums.  maybe i just blocked it out, but really, i feel like i can't remember any fellow kids in my old [Korean] church having temper tantrums.  what i do remember is adults who would not stand for misbehavior.  kids never won.  parents always ruled.  it was what kept us young kids in line when we were unsupervised for hours at a time while the parents had revivals all night long.

it makes me wonder if America, the land of instant gratification, convenience, and honey boo boo child, is the main ingredient in this phenomenon.  i wonder if we, as Americans, fear being in charge/taking responsibility, really disciplining our kids, and persevering through children's disapproval of our decisions (within reason).  maybe we even quietly judge such parenting because we believe children (especially really young ones) should [above all else] be happy, and children don't act happy if we decide and enforce what is appropriate behavior.  i say we, but i think i actually mean mainstream America, and maybe what i actually mean to say is that i'm the one not-so-silently judging said group.  maybe this is hitting a nerve in all (read: both) of my readers.  maybe you're the ones that quietly judge people silly people like me (who started to teach patience to a six month old at mealtime) and i'm silently judging people like you because your similarly-aged child is throwing food and screaming at the local taco joint where we're having a nice family dinner (sans food fight).

well.  no matter what your parenting philosophy.  parenting is such. hard. work.  isn't it?  i think i've developed much thicker skin and deeper patience over this past year or so than i've ever had to my whole life.  and i have this feeling that i'm still just at the beginning.  i'm kind of holding my breath for when the fit hits the shan and my sweet little boy actually starts going through the official terrible two's, and i wonder how i'll feel about this all in the thick of it.  maybe i'm just naive right now.

anyway, i understand that any potential criticism regarding parenting is very touchy, and so i hope you're still my friends after this post.

lovelove,
philosophical parent

product push: the tommee tippee explora bib

finally.  after four different kinds of terrible bibs, we have found our true bib love.  here are the reasons you must also go and purchase this item immediately:

• it does not have any fabric element to it, so it doesn't take forever to dry and it won't fall apart or smell funky after a few hand washes.  
• they say the material is soft and light and they're telling the truth.  it's flexible, so it doesn't choke the child's neck.
• it doesn't fasten with velcro, yippee!  velcro loses its power after a while, which, let's be honest here, power is exactly what little toddlers are made of.  
• the crumb catcher is always open and able to catch what falls.  all others so far have been particularly flimsy in that department, making them essentially useless.  this one catches nearly everything.  moses has been starting to eat from both his plate and the bib pocket because there's so yummy much food that's collected in there during the meal.  
• it's all one piece of continuous plastic--no piping, no crevices, no special washing instructions.  very easy.

the one down side i've noticed so far: it's very tempting to chew on (because it's so flexible and rubbery).  however, once the crumb catcher has done its job and is full of food, the last thing you want is for the boy to tip it over and chew on the bottom of the pocket.  today, he did it, and we ended up with bits of cheese and noodles somehow making their way out of the clever pocket, over his head, and down his back.  what?  

lovelove,

crumbs mcgee

hand, foot, and mouth disease

sheesh.  ever since we moved to Atlanta, sickness has had a tight grip on our little family.  there hasn't yet been a time where one member of the K3 has not been sick with some kind of upper respiratory, GI or skin problem.  maybe it's because we're adapting to the viruses, bacteria and allergens in this unfamiliar region of the country. maybe it's the superbugs that the hard-working (and devastatingly handsome) ER nurse has been bringing home from work (ick).  maybe it's the stress of transition and uncertain next steps.  maybe it's because we have a one-year old who is wired to explore mouth-first, and this, combined with semi-frequent trips to Walmart.

maybe it's because we're puny little weaklings.

whatever the reason, we have been sick.  painful sore throats, headaches, persistent coughs, congestion, runny noses, pink eye, rashes, fevers, nausea, soreness, diarrhea, mosquito bites by the dozens, you name it, we've endured it.

nothing has been officially diagnosed, but we have spent a small fortune on over-the-counter medicines and a few prescription drugs as well.

the latest plague on our house has been hand, foot, and mouth disease (poor little baby).  not to be confused with hoof-and-mouth or foot-and-mouth disease, which is what all the websites say.  the photos are scary, which is why we thought Mo didn't have it.  he had a crazy high fever and a weird rash all over his arms and legs, but not on his palms or soles and no blisters. he had a little dip in appetite, but nothing that seemed too unusual for a toddler, according to me.  also, he had some loose stools, which is not really mentioned in many HFMD websites.  unfortunately, after denying it was HFMD and letting our son play with a family friend's kid, our friend called yesterday and let us know that her son was diagnosed with it.  sorry bubby.  he actually got the classic HFMD sores in the mouth that all the websites talk about, so i guess Mosey just has the virus and is presenting with different symptoms.

anyway.  he's been on the mend and has been in a delightful mood, so that's good.  today was a weird day for his poops and he was a tiny bit feverish again, but maybe that's a whole different issue altogether.  who really knows.  i'm just hanging on and trying to get through this period.  i'm sure we'll all be healthy again someday.  i'm really looking forward to it.

lovelove,
helen for the contagious 3

babysitter

okay, so we've had some experience leaving lil mo with friends and family and church nurseries.  but this weekend was our first time hiring a babysitter to watch him for 7 hours while we went to a wedding (1.5 hours away!).  she got him up from his nap, fed him a snack and then dinner, played with him, bathed him, and put him to bed in the evening!  and he apparently loved it and even snuggled with her a bit after his nap!  he went to sleep at night with no problem, and just had an overall pleasant time with this new person.

we were only a tiny bit sad that he wasn't devastated that we weren't there with him.  mostly, we felt proud and happy that Momo is a well-adjusted, delightful little toddler.  i guess all the work and time in random church nurseries has paid off.  also, if i get a full-time job sometime soon (fingers crossed), we know that Mo will be fine in daycare or with a nanny.

another new thing that happened this week is that he obeyed when i told him he shouldn't be in the kitchen.  for the past 4 months or so, i've been trying to teach him that he can't play in our [small] kitchen (which is apparently a heart-crushing lesson, by the way he reacts).  i figure it's super dangerous if he's under my feet when there are hot and sharp items that can fall on him, and there really isn't a good enough reason to crawl into the fridge or the dishwasher anyway.  so i wanted to teach him early that the kitchen isn't a place to play.  i remove him from the area every time, tell him no, and put him down away from the kitchen without affection or reward or real reaction really.  over and over.  and over.  and over.  and over!  it's always during dinner prep time, when he's most clingy and most hungry, and coincidentally, when i'm most occupied.  but yesterday, i removed him from the area twice.  when he came by the third time, i told him no, he can't play in here, and [without my physical intervention] he made a face, but crawled back into the living room and started playing on his own!  what?? a miracle!  it may never happen again for years, but i am really excited that it even happened this one time.

lovelove,
me

12 month checkup

mo had his 12 month checkup a few days ago.  he's in the 95th percentile for height still, but he's dropped down to the 75th percentile for weight.  and i can attest that he's really thinning out.  his little chub folds around his legs are disappearing, and i'm feeling rather sad about it, to be honest with you.

he also had 3 shots, and since then he hasn't really been much like himself.  his naps have been short and interrupted, he's been fussy, not eating much, and he hasn't had much patience in general.  he's not been himself.  he even cuddled with me for like 15 minutes this morning.  i loved it, but i also wondered what was going on in his sweet little munchkin head.  today, he had a turnaround in the nap department, and i had to wake him up after 2.5 hours this morning, and he's still sleeping now, after 2+ hours this afternoon.  i wonder if he's catching the same terrible sickness (cold, flu, stomach all combined) that Shane and i have been battling for 3 weeks or so.  i suppose it was just a matter of time.

of course, it also could be his molars coming in--i hear they can be quite a terror.  he's been fervently chewing on anything he can fit in his mouth these days and i can feel one molar straining against his gums... i wonder if this fussy baby will be this way for the next few months.  perhaps.  and i'll love the snot out of him anyhow.  while still feeling quite annoyed with his whiny outbursts.

lovelove,
helly

PS: he stacked his toys for the first time the other day.  and my heart swelled with pride.  he's brilliant, i tell you!  :O) (oh, and don't tell me if your child has been doing that since he was 6-months old.  just let me bask in the moment. haha)

officially down to two nursing sessions...

no matter how i look at it, it's just weird.  i was nursing this baby about 11 times a day just one year ago.  we periodically (and unceremoniously) dropped feedings until now... there are just two left.  the last one we dropped was last week, the lunch session, but it was a different drop than the rest because he had to start on drinking whole milk (!) like a big boy.  the way that weaning the lunch session has gone makes me think that Moses would be just fine dropping the dinnertime nursing as well.  <sad face>  well, here's how it went, with all the gory details.

• day 1: 7 ounces of 100% breast milk in the straw sippy cup.  we went to hmart (a korean supermarket) in case staying at home was too much associated with nursing.  he drank that milk down like nobody's business.  he held so tight to that sippy cup and didn't take his lips off the straw for a second.  i have to say that part of it might have been that he was also probably miserably hungry because by the time we got the milk prepared, packed our things, got to the store and got in the shopping cart, it was noon or so, which is pretty late for him to get milk.  we had noodles for lunch, and he was fussy, but it was hard to tell whether it was because of the noodles, or because of the lack of nursing, or because he hates the hmart eatery.  who knows.  anyway, he looked like such a big boy drinking his milk that it made me cry.  his stools were loose that day, but i wondered if it was the poppy seed chicken that we had the night before.  i pumped after he went down for a nap because i realized the breast milk store i build up is rather small.  
• day 2: 5 ounces of breast milk and 2 ounces of whole milk in the straw sippy cup.  i can't remember where we went that day, but the pattern is that we went somewhere all week during the lunch hour.  walmart, marshalls, the mall, old navy, goodwill, basically anywhere but home.  ate lunch like a champ.  diaper rash began.  it was pretty widespread, so i started the diaper cream defense.  loose stools again, but we did have leftover poppy seed chicken.  pumped during Mo's nap again.  
• day 3: 3.5 ounces of breast milk with 3.5 ounces of whole milk in a straw sippy cup.  stools looked better.  diaper rash looked better.  but then he got a bumpy red rash on his lower back too.  pumped during Mo's nap again.
• day 4: 2 ounces of breast milk in a cup with a straw.  4 ounces of whole milk in the straw sippy cup.  i decided to split them because the breast milk was getting chunky in the sippy cup.  it was gross looking.  still smelled just fine, so i figured it might have been some kind of reaction between the milks.  anyway, so i gave him the breast milk in the cup at home and took the sippy cup with the whole milk.  he didn't drink hardly any of the whole milk this day.  he just kind of took sloppy swigs of it and then spit it out all over the bib.  maybe he was really tasting it.  oh, btw, bibs have been really important for some reason, he really dribbles whole milk down his chin when he drinks it. woke up the next morning with what felt like painful boulders where my chest usually was; nursed Mo as normal in the morning and didn't do much else about it (ie. didn't pump), since i was hopeful that everything would just work itself out naturally.
• day 4: 7 ounces of 100% whole milk in the straw sippy cup.  he drank it all.  his stools were normal.  diaper rash nearly cleared.  lunch is normal.   woke up the next morning in pain again, but not as bad.   
• and everything's just been normal since then.  

i don't really know if this is how it's supposed to be done, but this is how i did it.  i suppose i'll probably do a similar thing for the dinner time feed...this week, next week (?).  then the morning feed last, just because that one is my favorite... it's quiet and cuddly.  here i am realizing that i have a favorite one, just when i thought all year long that Mo and i both felt kind of blah about nursing.  

in some ways, it's the end of an era!  i calculated how much time i've spent nursing this precious little boy because i'm sort of a datasexual that way.  of course, the work is very front heavy, in the first few months of his life when he was pretty much constantly nursing, but anyway, it added up to a total of about 1000 hours, or a little over 40 straight days and nights.  it was the length of time that it took to flood the world.  that's how much time i've spent with our baby drinking from me.  weird, huh?

lovelove,

milk maid

reflexive bowing

i just met one of the neighborhood kids.  he's Korean and probably about 9 or 10.  as he was walking up to me, he looked at me, and instinctively bowed a little bit.  he didn't know that i was Korean for sure, but his reflexes kicked in, and even though he didn't full on bow and say the polite Korean greeting for adults, he couldn't stop the quick bow of the head.  i knew at least three things from this very small gesture:

• he is Korean
• his parents taught him right
• i'm old

he ended up asking me politely (through a slight black accent--nearly all of the neighborhood kids are black) if i was Korean, and i said yes, and i asked him too, and he said he was too.  it was nice to confirm for each of us that the bow wasn't weird.  

the whole thing made me smile.  smile a whole lot, actually.  and hope that our baby will one day reflexively bow to greet all Korean adults, because he's Korean and that's how it should be.  

lovelove,

32-years-364-days-old lady

Weaning??

My pediatrician told us what to expect with weaning at our last well-baby checkup, and he mentioned that the nighttime feeding would be the first to go.  I thought he was weird because so many blogs mention that the nighttime is one of the harder ones since it’s so connected to calming/soothing for the end of the day. 

Well, I guess Moses heard the doctor and decided he would start the process on his own.  He has not taken me up on my offers to nurse for four nights in a row.  He has gone to bed without nursing!  He’s fussed a bit in the going-to-sleep process after he’s been in the crib for a little while, but I’m not entirely sure if that’s related to the milk or not. 

So now, he’s nursing only before meals, so down to three times a day.  It’s a little bit weird.  But honestly, I’m thinking of riding this wave of weaning, since I’ll have to anyway if I go back to work… I don’t intend to pump at work.  Not only because of the hassle and possible impossibility, but also because I genuinely find pumping to be quite dreadful.  I called my pediatrician office and asked if I can start him on whole milk a couple of weeks early so I could wean him to that instead of messing with formula.  I got the green light, so I bought a gallon of whole milk at the store today.  I feel a little bit weird.  It’s partly a deep sadness in the pit of my stomach.  Partly relief thinking about having my body be my own again (hello caffeinated beverages, and goodbye nursing pads!). 

I built up a store of pumped breast milk in the freezer over the last couple of weeks, so I think I’m going to start Moses on that mixed with whole milk… maybe even tomorrow at lunchtime and see how he does.  My pediatrician office recommended going slowly, like ¼ whole milk to ¾ breast milk one day, the next day moving to half and half, and the next day ¾ whole milk to ¼ breast milk.   I dunno.  The thought of such a huge change is so weird to me.  I wonder how he’s going to do… I hear the baby usually does better than the mom.  We’ll see how it goes, I guess.

I did some online research about weaning, and as with all things baby-related, there are widely diverse opinions about how it should go and what the best thing is for the baby.  The most vocal are the folks of La Leche League and other breastfeeding enthusiasts, who (possibly inadvertently) make those who end up weaning before age 2 (to age 5!) feel guilty and selfish.  I'm finding that the more extreme your opinion, the more divisive and off-putting your advice can be, especially when it comes to baby stuff.  Too bad.  

Maybe it's all the hormones talking, but I'm feeling rather blue about the whole thing.  Our little baby is growing up.  

Lovelove,

me

grrrowl!!

some new things mo's started doing this week:

• he's started to do this thing after i put a spoonful of yummy food in his mouth.  he opens his mouth and lets it all fall out.  i haven't figured out if he's doing it for any particular reason, or if he's just doing it because he's figured out he can.  it's partly cute/funny as anything, and partly annoying.  you know.  i hope it doesn't develop into a habit.
• he's started carrying stuffed animals around.  like he's showing them around.  it's so endearing!
• he's started to play and throw his pacifiers out of his crib and cry/scream before his naps.  for like half an hour!  i'm pretty sure he cries because he feels he needs those pacifiers to help him fall asleep, but after much thought, i have decided to stand firm in the fact that i am the boss.  and he needs to learn, either stop throwing those pacis out, or sleep without them (which he'll need to learn soon, since i had thought i might take those pacifiers away at around 1 year... eek!).  i figure that if i go in to retrieve his pacifier, the baby will learn what he needs to do to earn a social visit from mom.  then he is the boss of me.  *shakes head*  i know it will pay off someday, but i do feel bad that our neighbors have to hear all the paci-drama. 
• he's started growling.  not menacingly or anything, just vibrating his voice box.  it's so fun to witness him discovering things he can do.  

something else that's new is that one of the neighborhood kids called me "moses' mom."  it instantly made me feel weird, even though i know i'm moses' mom, i guess i didn't realize i had become one of those women whom [polite] kids aren't supposed to call by their first names.  all the information the kids need to know is that the baby's name is moses, and that he belongs to that lady over there and we need to ask her for permission for moses to come out to play.  and yes, the neighborhood kids come over frequently to ask if moses can come out to play.  he's a popular kid.

lovelove,
moses' mom

infant swimming

so, i've been taking mo to the pool about twice a week since we moved up to ATL.  we have a community pool that is a very short walk from our house.  he absolutely loves water.  i've been trying to teach him to swim, but it is admittedly going more slowly than i would prefer.  partly because i don't like to go everyday, as some recommend.  partly because moses still seems to drink a ton of water instead of holding his breath.  partly because i don't really know how to teach swimming to anybody, much less a baby.  ha. it's been fun anyway.  and just so you know i'm not crazy for this endeavor, i was inspired by this amazing video:

the most helpful website i've found so far for teaching infant swimming is: http://www.uswim.com.  they have videos (with lovely aussie accents), lesson sheets, and even certificates you can print.  enjoy!

lovelove,
me

book review: french kids eat everything

i just finished this delightful book called French Kids Eat Everything.  the tagline reads, "How our family moved to France, cured picky eating, banned snacking, and discovered 10 simple rules for raising happy, healthy eaters," and basically sums it up.  it was a quick and easy read, and even has 18 French recipes at the end of the book.  the author was super relate-able, as she was very honest about her struggles and doubts, and she really described her own journey quite well.  she is also a professor of something or other, so she's really educated and included a lot of summaries of relevant research studies that she looked up during her year in France.  there were three things that really stood out to me.  

(1) the first gem from this book was really the first rule that she discovered, which was "you are in charge of food education."  the French think it's important to teach kids the proper way to prepare, cook and eat healthy food.  it's as much of a life-long skill as potty training or reading, so they take as much (or more) care to teach their kids to eat well from infancy.  it was really reaffirming for me in my own philosophy, to be honest, because i've been painstakingly trying to teach moses how to eat without making a mess, how to behave during mealtimes, and how to eat (and like) a variety of healthy foods.  sometimes i feel like i'm being ridiculous because most popular (American) websites and books will recommend that you let your baby eat what they like, hide vegetables in their food, and give your baby complete freedom to explore their food.  but you know, i made a resolute decision early on that i would not spread out a tarp under his highchair during mealtimes or have to wipe baby food off of walls.  so far, i haven't had to, and moses is one of the cleanest [baby] eaters i know.  another interesting thing about food education is that the French work on developing kids' palates for healthy food, so they calmly say that if a child doesn't like something, they just haven't tasted it enough times.  i can't remember exactly how many times they have to taste something, but i think it's somewhere up past a dozen or more.  i like that.

(2) many of the author's rules can actually be summed up by saying that the French have a loving but authoritative parenting style.  they schedule the meals and menus (kids eat what adults eat), family eats together, no emotional eating, variety of vegetables, no snacking, taste everything.  it seems that the French parents make the decisions and are in charge.  too often, i think that kids are in charge of their eating in America, ending up with kids who only eat french fries, chicken tenders and mac and cheese.  all yummy foods, to be fair, but the French seem to be doing something right when their kids are eating all kinds of vegetables and are polite and clean eaters by the time they are toddlers.  

(3) French versus American attitudes toward food.  there was a study that the author summarized, and i thought it was fascinating, so i'll just copy it directly:

Americans tend to be anxious about food and to identify health, nutrition and dieting as the key issues they associate with eating.  The French, on the other hand, almost never mention any of these topics when as for their thoughts about food.  Rather, they talk about pleasure, tasty food, socializing, culture, identity, and fun. In one of the most revealing studies, Fischler showed a picture of a chocolate cake to both American and French people and asked them for the first word that popped in their head.  For Americans, the most common word was "guilt." For the French, the most common word was "celebration."  

there were tons of studies and conversations that pointed to these sorts of differences.  differences that made the French actually healthier eaters.  i love food, and i love food in different cultures.  i want to instill a healthy love of food in our precious baby too.  

basically, what i've been trying to say is that i've totally bought into it.  maybe we need to move to French-land.

lovelove,

moi

forget it, i don't know anything anymore

i like to think that mo has come to the point where his routine is predictable, but really, that's just in my imaginary world.  because sometimes he takes a two+ hour nap, sometimes he takes 45 minutes.  sometimes he wakes up screaming, sometimes he wakes up and quietly and contentedly talks to himself.  sometimes he screams bloody murder for 30 minutes before his nap, throwing his two pacifiers and blanket out of the crib, and sometimes he just zonks out.  i cannot wait until this child can tell us what's up.


but i'm thankful.  he still does like to take two naps a day, and they are usually substantially longer than 30 minutes each.  and he sleeps all night every night.  well, except last night, he randomly woke up and cried for like 15 seconds, and then got quiet again.  


this first year of life must be so tough.  i'm glad that, by the grace of God, we don't remember it.  


it's been a little while since i've reported any new things that mo's been doing, so here it goes:

• he loves to press this little button on one of his toys to make it play music and immediately move on to play with other toys.  it's like he presses it just for the background music during his playtime.  
• he can pull up to stand anywhere, including walls!
• he is very interested in eating what adults are eating, but he still doesn't chew that well, even with all those teeth.  i'm still in the phase of supplementing his baby food with table food, mostly because it takes so long to feed him table food and because we've been eating some spicy food these days.  he still cries like a baby when he eats spicy things.  i think i want to introduce him to kimchi sometime soon though.  i will not have a picky eater if i can help it! 
• he started snuggling before naps!  he puts his arms around our neck and lays his head on our shoulder!  it melts my heart *every* time!  i love that little boy!
• he's been learning that if he doesn't know if he should do something, he goes close to it and looks back to see me.  if i shake my head no, he stops going toward it (usually).  this is very exciting to me.
• we transitioned to bathing him in the regular tub a couple of weeks ago.  it's weird.  i miss our little plastic whale tub.  
• he's started to kimchi squat these days.  
• he's very suddenly started babbling with more sounds last week.  he sounds like he's actually talking.  this, after his nearly two week period of saying, "boom boom boom."
• i may have mentioned this before, but cheerios are one of his favorite foods.  they're so precious that he doesn't hardly even drop any when he's eating them.
• he's getting much easier to take grocery shopping.  on today's outing, he didn't fuss at all, even with no snacks and only one toy!  an angel!  
• he's learned how to crawl around on the couch without falling off.  
• he can reach things on top of the kitchen table now.  oi.  i'm trying to train him to stay out of the kitchen area, but it's been truly challenging.  

lovelove,

me

sensitive parents, sensitive baby

what did we expect?  two sensitive people having a baby--of course he's going to be sensitive!

with that being said, moses has been more sensitive this week than he's been in a long time.  i thought it was just going to last a few days, but it's still happening.  he's been unpredictably fussy (read: wildly moody, both ups and downs) and an ever-present, clingy (though cute) barnacle on the helen mothership.  as i type, he is actually sitting on my foot rather than exploring and playing with toys.  i find it both endearing and somewhat worrisome (worrisome, mostly because i worry about... well... everything).  how long with this bout of clinginess last--days, weeks, months, years?!?

i have been trying to feel out what could be the problem, and i've narrowed it down to three possibilities: (1) teething, which could be the culprit for years (!) (2) a growth spurt (which usually doesn't make him cry, but i'm guessing he could be hungry at random non-meal times (?) or (3) shane started work this week, which means he's been gone for a good part of each day this week.  i'm leaning toward 3 being the answer because mo's gums are smooth with no signs of additional teeth these days, and well, mo has been a tiny bit easier today, and shane's been home during the day today.  i think babies might catch on to more than we think... well, some things quicker than others.

one thing that's taken about two months+ is that the balls of wool tumbleweed that shed off our area rug aren't good for eating.

lovelove,
sensodyne

wipes epiphany

so, i'm going to admit to you that i am a creature of habit.  i love routine, doing things the same way every time, putting things back in their rightful place every time.  i am predictable. it is usually quite nice, if i do say so myself, as things are orderly and quite peaceful.  the only drawback is that... as i've mentioned before... this motherhood thing involves a lot of trial and error, especially as the baby grows and changes.  so keeping things the same, no matter how much i want to, is not usually the best option for very long.

also, i feel the need to reiterate here that i have very little experience with babies.  changing diapers is one particular area where i have only about 10 months of experience, since moses's was the first diaper i had ever changed in my 32 years of life.  so, i was thinking about our wipes one day, and what a struggle it is to fish out wipes from our box.  it was then, after 10 months of doing things the same way every single day for thousands of wipes, that it came to me.

see, i purchase wipes refills that come in those plastic sleeves.  and i have stuck those into the larger plastic white container each time they ran out.  i'm sure you're familiar with all these items.  what i didn't do was take the wipes out of the plastic sleeve when i put it into the larger bin.  so, i was sticking my fingers into the hole on the top of the larger bin, and then into the hole on the top of the plastic sleeve and blindly pinching at the wipes in hopes that i could grab just one and that it would come out with the next wipe following after it, so that i wouldn't have to pinch for the next one too.  what i mean to say is that those wipes did not want to come out of the little hole on that darn flimsy plastic sleeve.

i was *so* relieved when i realized that i could rip open the side of the sleeve like a bag of potato chips and just slide those wonderful wipes out into the large bin.  and throw that darn flimsy plastic sleeve in the trash.  i was also astonished and a little bit embarrassed that it didn't occur to me for 10 months.  *10 months* of struggle with these wipes!

i have got to start thinking out of the box more.

lovelove,
me

product push: playtex straw cup

okay, here's my first official product push as a mom.  i purchased this sippy cup a couple of months ago after a dear friend mentioned that her little andrew was liking straws already.  i thought, my son has never even *tried* a straw!  so, i trotted down the sippy cup aisle at Target, thinking, i'll have to get one with a straw because mo seems to be having trouble getting the hang of regular sippy cups.

well, this particular cup has a straw, and it's made so that you can squeeze the bottom and get the fluid into your baby's mouth.  after a week, moses was drinking like a champ through the straw without any coaxing from me (though not much, since he never really seems to be very thirsty).  and now, months later, i can let him drink from any regular cup using any regular straw.  it really still seems like a miracle to watch him do it.

thank you, brilliant sippy cup!

in related news, i've been giving mo a regular plastic kid's cup with a bit of water in it the past few days.  this morning, he held the cup with both hands, tilted it back to his mouth and drank all the water in it without spilling any... all on his own!  i couldn't believe my eyes.  i felt like i was watching a monkey braid someone's hair.

so, i think we're not going back to the bottle (which he rejected suddenly a few months ago) or even the regular sippy cup from here on out.  moving forward.  growing up.  boo hoo hoo.  :O(

lovelove,
mummummuum

we survived the high temps

you may have heard that atlanta had a heat wave this weekend--temps of 104!  it was sure hot.  and moses also had a heat wave last week, or some might say he had a fever, but he had temps of 104 too!  it lasted four days, though the first day and the last day were at about 101.4, and not so bad.  the mornings and the late afternoons were the worst, where he was in the fussiest moods and he felt hot hot hot.  after some otc medication, juice and time in his diaper, he seemed to do better.  i was so thankful that shane's an ER nurse, because he knew just what to do (and i would have been a hot mess without him).  he's a great dad.

the fourth day, we wondered for a little while whether we should take him to see the doctor, but he really was doing better, and on the fifth day, he was back to 98.7, and happy as can be.  in fact, all the fussiness of the last month or so seems to be fading now.  i guess all the transition of moving and the cold that had lingered for weeks really had him down, but he was all smiles for a lot of today.  i'm so glad to have my baby back!

lovelove,
me

i witnessed my child making a grown up decision

mo woke up today in a bad mood.  he's been doing this less frequently this week (he'd had a rash of it since we moved, i think the transition has been a tiny bit hard on his sleep pattern), but still, this morning he woke up grumpy.  i got him up and popped out his pacifier, and he started crying like crazy.  i popped the pacifier back in his mouth and he immediately calmed down.  (this isn't the grown up decision yet.)

i sat down with him on our nursing chair, got out the boob, and lined momo up to feed.  he reached out with his hand and smiled behind his pacifier, because i'm sure he was hungry for breakfast.  but then, the dilemma-- he wanted to keep his paci in his mouth!  he furiously sucked on the paci while he held onto the boob and thought about it.  then, he took his hand back, grabbed the paci, popped it out from his own mouth, frowned BIG time (but held back the tears!), and latched on to me.  and it was all good!  haha... it was amazing to watch him decide to make a sacrifice for something better.  my heart swelled with pride.

some new developments in mo's world these days: he loves cheerios, he loves to pick them up and shove them in his mouth and make them go crunch!  i think he's getting bored of baby food, which is just as well, because it's getting expensive!  he pulls up and cruises around like nothing.  he sometimes forgets how to get back on the ground, but he's getting it more often these days.  he knocked his mouth on the coffee table and got his first real injury this week (yes, there was bleeding, and yes, i cried [read: sobbed] about it).  he doesn't hardly play with the books on the bookshelf or the outlets or the trash or shoes anymore--yes, i believe babies can learn boundaries!  even still, we are learning that he cannot be left out of our sight for very long before he finds mischief.  wow.  it's hard work!

we also took mo to our new pediatrician this week for his 9 month checkup, just a day after his 10 month birthday.  he's a nice doctor, pretty no nonsense, and still easy going.  a good combination.  he answered all my questions about feeding (basically we're really down to 4 meals a day now: breakfast, lunch, dinner, and bedtime nursing) and he complemented us on how easy our baby is (he told us we were doing a good job, saying easy babies are easy because parents set the pace for sleep, nutrition and hygiene).  overall, a great visit.  he measures:

• 21 lbs, 10.6 oz: 80th percentile for weight
• 29.75 inches: 90th percentile for height
• 18 inches: 75th percentile for head circumference

lovelove,

me

clean floor?

i had this amazing ability to drop things yesterday.  the worst one?  a glass baby food jar of sweet potatoes.  it shattered from both ends and i found orange puree and shards of glass over eight feet from the point of impact. i managed to sweep and clean the area about five times over while little one was fussing for food in his high chair.  after i finished cleaning, i almost dropped a *second* jar of sweet potatoes nearly right away.  jeez oh pete.

i was honestly quite anxious while i was picking up glass because i was imagining little mo get shards in his knees or in his mouth.  he is not able to properly eat a cheerio without assistance most of the time, but if he finds the tiniest debris on the floor that is not food, he is able to deftly [and miraculously] maneuver it into his mouth and begin chewing before i can even blink.  it's an amazing trick actually.

by the way, i gave our child honey nut cheerios.  then i read online how you shouldn't do that before 1 year.  i didn't think about the honey or the nuts when i was purchasing the cereal.  :O( i hope he doesn't get botulism.  thankfully, i am pretty sure he's not allergic to nuts, seeing as how i gave him tastes of peanut butter already without thinking too much about it.  ai.  i keep thinking about how it's a miracle of God that children survive their first year of life.  thank you, Lord, for another day with our precious liddo one.

love,
me

transitions and a full heart

we moved up to Atlanta a couple weeks ago.  we had been living in Florida with my in-laws for a time, and after saving up some money, it seemed like things really all fell into place for us to make the move.  and it's gone surprisingly well... surprising because i'm not a fan of moving and am a creature of habit and i hate packing and transitions and living out of bags and boxes.  add a 9 month old to the mix, and there is a great potential for me to be stressed out.  but again, it's all gone surprisingly well.  mo has really been delightful, and has had some bumpy times (shorter naps, more crying and lots of clingy-ness), but he's generally taken things like a champ.  he doesn't love his carseat anymore, and our 6.5 hours of driving has stretched to about 10.5 hours back and forth, but what can we expect from a new crawler who wants to get out and see the world?  

along that train of thought, i have to say, all the crawling has really thinned our little chunker out.  i was squeezing his little calves just the other day, and they weren't as hard as they used to be (the fat used to stretch his skin to the max and made them feel hard).  and suddenly there aren't as many fat folds all around his thighs.  and he's looking more and more like a toddler and not an infant, especially as he's been stepping up to 12 and 18 month clothing.  and people keep mentioning his first birthday being around the corner.  and i don't want my baby to grow up.  wah.

another way to say it, to copy my friend's statement, is that my heart is full.  moses is such a gift and so enjoyable and so sweet and when he squeals and crawls with great abandon into our legs, it is so amazing.  his sloppy kisses are just the best things and when he pats my arm and smiles, i just want to eat him whole.  even seeing him chew food makes me want to sing.  i love that kid!  my heart is so full!  

i guess that's why people have more babies.  well, that, and the sheer misery of pregnancy and newborn days is a distant memory that is becoming increasingly romanticized day-by-day.  and no, we're not pregnant.

love,

helen  :O) 

i regretted my decision immediately

i've been giving Moses small tastes of various flavors over the last couple of months because (in theory) it will make them into better eaters as older kids... well, at least more tolerant of different kinds of foods.  so, on sunday, we were at bee-dubs (a wing place), and i had a bite of a delicious curry flavored chicken wing.  without thinking too much about it, i put a little sauce on my finger and offered it to Moses, who very willingly sucked it right off.  as it turned out, it was actually quite spicy.  enter regret.  and guilt.  :O]

as the fire was slowly and frighteningly spreading in my own mouth, i could see the pain spread across Mo's little facial expression as well.  i tried offering other foods, and of course, he doesn't know anything about that, so he just knows his mouth hurts and he wants it to stop.  poor baby.  after what seemed like a really long time, i got ice water into his mouth using a straw, and that actually seemed to help.  thank goodness. crisis averted.  turns out that spiciness was appropriate motivation for mo to drink a bit more water through the straw regularly on his very own!  way to excel, sweet boy.

love,

me

whoopsies, cry-it-out-gone-wrong

looks like i'm not winning any awards this week for mommy of the year.  i put mo down for a nap yesterday afternoon, just normal-like, and he played a little while and then instead of just falling sleeping, he started to cry.  see, sometimes (seldomly these days, but sometimes), he cries for like five or ten minutes before he can settle down and fall asleep.  so, i thought i'd wait it out, instead of teaching momo that crying will earn a social visit from mommy.  well, the cries got louder and louder, and i just kept thinking, maybe he'll go to sleep in the next five minutes... and 30 minutes later, he was really screaming.

i gave in and checked on him.  guess what, my friends?  he had managed to get into the sitting position and had scooted up to face the side of the crib, so i guess he couldn't figure out how to lie back down.  and well, he couldn't fall asleep in that position.  he was crying for someone to rescue him for 30 minutes.  whoops.  :O(

i scooped him up and held him until he caught his breath and put him back down.  he was exhausted and asleep within five minutes.  poor liddo one.

milestones are tricky sometimes i guess.  also to note, mo's appetite for solids has returned in full force, leaving breastmilk in the dust.  i wish he came with a manual.

love,
mmmmm

the day he fell off the couch

the day i have been dreading for approximately 8 months and three weeks has come.  our baby rolled off the couch and hit the floor this morning.  i had just set him down on the couch right next to me, managed to spill a small cup of juice, and was rescuing my folder and books from the growing pool, when it happened.  the sickening thud of a small body hitting the ground and shrieking cry of pure infant pain, shock and distress.

i immediately picked him up and said "mommy's sorry" about fifteen times, trying to sooth and hold him close.  of course, Mo is not really ever soothed by my embrace or touch (never has been, even as a newborn), but i still held him close and rocked him.    i held him by the sliding glass door too, which usually helps him calm down, but it didn't help much.  he kept crying for a few minutes (seemed like an eternity).  after he quieted a bit, i laid him down, opened up his pajamas and checked his body and head for injuries.  i found a two-inch straight bruise forming on his shin... i imagine that was where he hit the coffee table on the way to the floor.  :O(  other than that, no obvious bleeding or bruising, no vomiting and no mood shifts.  so that was good.

it was just about time for his nap too, and some websites said that a nap after a fall is okay and could actually be restorative for the baby.  so, i put him down and he seems to have fallen asleep quite well, so i think that was another good sign (he's no longer crying and in pain).  i still hear him breathing on the baby monitor, so i'm glad for that too.  i'll be anxiously waiting for him to wake up so i can make sure of his behavior and everything.

if you sense a large undertone of mommy guilt here, you are correct.  man.  i'm so sorry, little buddy.

love,
me

sitting, waving, and crawling

okay, so lots of milestones here in the last week or so.  i think that Mo likes to save them up and do them all at once.  :O)  a week ago, i found him sitting after his nap.  i thought it might really be his new thing, since he loves to sit up, but hadn't been able to figure out how to get from lying down to sitting up.  but well, he did it that one time, and hasn't done it since.  just like that week where he said "uhm ma" (mommy in Korean) back about three months ago and hasn't said it since.  ha.

he also started waving hello.  he did it all evening at church, took a couple days' break, and now he does it a few times a day.  :O)  yesterday, he waved to a guy coming out of a bar as we were going into a restaurant next door for dinner.  it was sweet, and i like to believe that guy's life was touched somehow.

today, he crawled for the first time.  and Shane and i were there to see it!  he didn't only do it once, he did it for a good half hour (with the camera and the iphone as his inspiration), and he just got better and better at it.  it was, as i keep saying about many things that Mo learns to do, like watching a MIRACLE.  i cried because i was happy and so proud--the anticipation of crawling had been around for a couple months now... and i cried because i was sad--our little baby is growing up.  it's such a paradox, i want so badly for Mo to grow up and become independent, and i want so badly to keep him as this pure and precious little baby.  i don't understand it, i confess.

in other news, his eating habits are wildly fluctuating.  he loved peas, now he gags and throws up if they touch his tongue.  he loved sweet potato, now he can sometimes tolerate them.  he hated meat, now he can just eat meat by itself.  he only likes smooth watery textures, he only likes chunky food.  mealtimes are just one big trial and error.  for a week in there, he barely ate anything... and guess what?  he survived, complete with all his wonderful chubbiness in tact.

love,
me

drugs

i learned yesterday that baby orajel can be toxic to infants.  This medicine may cause a rare, but serious blood problem called methemoglobinemia.  also listed are nearly two dozen side effects.  crazy.  well, i read that online, and had in my mind that i would dutifully go straight to Walmart to get some teething tablets to help us in our time of need.  but i stopped by Old Navy first to check out those $8 dresses that they were advertising.  well, as it turns out, Mo just cut his fourth tooth yesterday, the most intense moment of which was in the dressing room of Old Navy.  sorry that you had to hear that, Old Navy patrons.  so, as he was screaming bloody murder, and the both of us were becoming sweaty hot messes (him from crying and me from trying to get him to stop crying), in my moment of weakness, i actually pulled the toxic orajel from my purse and used it one last time.  he cried for another few minutes, and then he calmed down.  and he survived one more use without getting that rare but serious blood disorder.  whew!

oh yeah, by the way, he had ONE tooth for TWO MONTHS, then he cut THREE teeth in three WEEKS.  poor guy.

anyway, i got the teething tablets home, and opened it up, and guess what?  it was completely empty.  sheesh.  i went back, and walmart was pretty cool about the whole thing and let me go get a new box without even looking at my receipt.  and i was, surprisingly, on my way back home in no time.  i didn't feel mad about it, i just thought, man, if my baby was in intense pain from teething and i didn't have an extra $8 to spend on teething tabs, maybe i would be desperate enough to steal them too.  i prayed for that family, and hoped they were doing okay.

also, Shane and i went to buy some more infant motrin (also for the teething-pain-and-feverishness), and found that infant motrin is TEN TIMES more expensive than children's motrin.  the only difference?  the dosing.  but you know what?  i couldn't bring myself to get the children's motrin, because it says right on the box that it's for children ages 2 and up.  our little baby is only 8 months.  :OI  Shane tried to be the voice of reason, telling me that he uses children's motrin for babies all day at the hospital, that it's very normal and okay for the babies... we  could still use the syringe from the infant motrin we had, and he could bring more syringes from the hospital... but i just couldn't do it.  i don't know.  he's our little baby!  my crazy, illogical, mom-worry brain was on and i couldn't turn it off.  i'm sure i'll come around before the next time we have to purchase motrin.

and shame on you, motrin-makers.  ripping off parents of babies like that.

love,
me

picking my battles

i'm sure over the years my sweet and precious child will do things that irritate the dickens out of me.  i'm sure of this because he has started to already.  one thing that he's started to do is grind his little teeth together.  it is a step worse than nails on a chalkboard, if you can imagine, and it happens pretty often through the day.  i have thought to try to intervene, but really, what can you do?  he's teething (which sounds miserable, from an onlooker's standpoint) and i think it's supposed to just stop happening over time anyway.

i can see the white spot on his gums where his second upper front tooth is supposed to come in, and i've had my eagle eye on it now for one week and one day.  he's been ultra-sensitive, with some weird sleep patterns, and some mild fevers (all teething signs for mo).  a week ago, he actually slept on me all night--first time ever in his whole life that he was able to snuggle and sleep.  even though he was in pain, and it was a sweaty, sleep-less night for me, i kind of liked the snuggling.  anyway, i'm hoping that once these enormous two front teeth come in, he'll be golden for a little while.

he's also still a little sick, so his nose has been runny.  i pick my battles there too--if i wipe his nose too frequently, it'll get raw and he'll complain more and it will become more and more challenging to wipe.  if i wipe too infrequently, he'll get snot all over all his toys and i'll eventually have to spend some time wiping those down as well.  find the sweet spot, and i'll be able to wipe with little objection and not have to go snot-searching on Mr. Elephant.

interestingly, in the mix of intense teething and this cold that has seemed to last an eternity (a two week long eternity, but still), he has also started to hate peas and mixed vegetables.  so much so that he's completely gagged and spit up with peas on the last three attempts.  he has also rejected avocado.  avocado, people!  who the heck doesn't like avocado?  if it weren't so expensive, i might be tempted to eat one at every darn meal.

anyway, i might try mixing these foods with fruit or cereal and see how that goes.  mixing with meat has only produced the same puke-y results.  no one ever really told me that parenthood involved so much trial and error.  ha.

love,
snot patrol

five silly monkeys

we have a book called five silly monkeys, and it's the nursery rhyme, "five little monkeys jumping on a bed, one fell off and bumped his head, mama called the doctor and the doctor said, no more monkeys jumping on the bed."  cute book.  never thought very critically about the rhyme until after the 10th time or so:

* would monkeys really jump on beds?
* are monkeys top heavy?  i would think that not all of them would have the same exact injury.
* why does mama have so many monkeys in her house?  why are they allowed to just play willy nilly in her bedroom?  gross.
* why are all the monkeys male?  where are the females?
* what kind of doctor did mama call?  would that really be his only feedback?  wouldn't he want to see what the extent of the head injury was?

in addition to thinking a lot about the lives of fictitious monkeys, i think a lot about moses's boogers.  and since he's sick, it's really on the radar a whole lot these days.  this morning, he had the biggest clump of green/brown boogers under his nostrils that i had to use several wipes, tissues and paper towels to get the layers off.  it was incredible.    i regretted not taking a picture for the rest of the day.

welcome to my world.

and today, the 24 hours before he turns 8 months, he has officially cut his third tooth.

love,
me

adding a meal

who the heck knows anything these days.  we added a third meal of solids (dinner, basically) last week, after and also reinstituted one of the milk feedings and completely changed his schedule yet again.  now, no more crying at night!  he used to just fuss and wail as we finished up his bedtime routine and got his jammies on, then cry for anywhere from half an hour to two hours going to sleep.  guess what?  he might have just been ravenously hungry.  poor little guy.

anyway, i thought i'd write it down, since, as i mentioned, much of this blog is for my own memories, possibly for reference for the next baby.  and no, we're not pregnant.

this is how the day has been going for about a week now:

6:30 am wake and breastfeed
7:30 am breakfast of cereal and fruit
8:30 am nap
10:30 am wake
10:30 am feed
11:30 am lunch of meat and veggie and fruit   
12:30 pm feed
1:30 pm nap
3:30 pm wake
4 pm feed
5:30 pm meal of meat and veggies and fruit
6:30 pm bath
6:45 pm feed
7 pm bedtime


it had been pretty smooth sailing (no crying!) for about five days!  it's kind of fallen apart over the next few days, mostly because of missed timing and naps in cars and a cold.  poor guy.

we got a convertible car seat this week, as well as a crib and a dresser for mo.  it's been a big week.

love,
mum mum mum